You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
