So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
