Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize