It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
