Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
