I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
