when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
