Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
