That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
