Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
