Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
