Duck Duck Cougar?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
