So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
