I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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