i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
