Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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