I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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