They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
