my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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