I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
