It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
