he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
