I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm too high and old for this...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize