I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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