New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
