I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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