you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
