you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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