I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
