I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
