I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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