Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
