pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize