I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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