Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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