There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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