dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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