you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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