You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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