The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
