Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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