My sheets look like a crime scene.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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