Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize