Don't you send me to vm
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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