Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
