i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
