my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
