...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize