You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
