I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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