Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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