so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
