So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
