I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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