24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
