Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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