Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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