I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
