it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
