Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
