Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
