well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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