My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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