so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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