I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
