I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize