god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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