I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
