I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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