Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize