where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
