we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
