he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize