Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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