I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
